Pertussis cultures are not fun

I finally dragged my sorry self to the doctor today. Imagine the looks on the health care workers' faces when I said that the symptoms have lasted for six weeks...

The doc (who was a very nice doctor) kept gushing about how I'm otherwise as healthy as an ox (that is, until he checked my heart rate. I had to explain that it races when anyone touches me- I'm not unhealthy, just starved for physical contact!). He said that he's had two cases of pertussis (a fancy name for whooping cough) in the past two weeks, which is what made him think that that's what's up. He kept reassuring me that it's no where near a conclusive guess, but he gave me the culture anyway.

A pertussis culture, by the way, is not the most pleasant thing you will ever experience. I can get through throat cultures without gagging just fine, thanks to years of vocal training (I can lift my soft palette so high that you could stick a corn cob down my throat and I could take it). But a pertussis culture is different. They don't use a cotton swab, they use a very thin (albeit sharp) metal wire. And they do take it from the back of your throat, but not through your mouth. They stuck the wires up my nostrils, pushed through to the very back of my throat, and twisted it around for a while before gently yanking it back out (well, I suppose this entire ordeal was done gently, so there was no need to specify there). It isn't painful, per se. Just very uncomfortable. I'm not used to anything in the back of my throaat, much less that high up. Much less with the rest of it sticking out of the other side of my face through my nose.