I have begun to understand where the dry, sardonic humor of things like The Office and Office Space come from. Working in an office breeds quiet desperation.
I didn’t think it did, because for some time I was always busy (and happily so) in my office. But since all the changes occurred I have significantly less to do, fewer people to talk to, and generally less engagement with my fellow human beings. That’s where the impatience with the world begins—boredom mixed with the dawning of the realization of how futile and insignificant my job (sometimes) is.
But the good thing about feeling that way, but also still being young and not completely disillusioned, is that it lights a fire under you to do something about it. So I’m in the process of getting bus and/or train tickets to go visit my family in Boston this weekend. Take that, quiet desperation!
It also fuels a sense of adventure; I might have to transfer busses at 1:30am in New York City in order to get up north a little faster. A year ago, this prospect would have terrified me. I went up there a month ago believing that New York, in its vastness, would scare the hell out of me. But once I got there, I finally realized: I live in Camden. You can’t scare me.
(Well, that isn’t true. I get scared when a loved one is in danger of physical or emotional harm. But walking around the Big Apple at night? That’s a breeze.)
I’m trying to buoy myself up; a run today after work (it’s so nice outside!), a fruit smoothie at lunch, Pandora on my computer at work, and making plans for the holiday weekend. Life could be so much worse than being a little bored in the office, after all.
1 comment:
What a day brightener, Molly! When, as a mom, you realize that your child is one step closer to independence. Everyone gets "a little desperate" at times. The well centered ones figure out what to do and how to change it. Sorry you are sometimes down. Thrilled, though, that you are actively combating it! Love you more than fruit smoothies, Mom
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